I Don't Want to Forget
by Sansele
Summary: Tasuki angst... as he thinks about his friends and fellow seishi who have passed away...


I Don't Want to Forget

  I am so stupid.

  It was only three years ago, and yet I have forgotten all about her. Well, until now. Kouji insisted that the two of us go see her grave. We haven't gone for some time, possibly because she wouldn't have wanted us to dwell on her death. Or maybe we were just afraid of facing the truth. 

  Stupid, really. Now, we are much older, and more mature, I guess… She was just twelve when she died. We practically kidnapped her from the Mt. Kaou bandits, yet she didn't care. Instead she fell in love with me. Weird. But then again, ReiRei was headstrong. If she believed in something, she would follow it, no matter how foolish it looked. Sure, anyone could say that she was being a baka going after the tessen by herself, but… she just wanted to make me happy. That's it. Pure and simple. 

  It's tragic, really. The worst thing is, she didn't grudge me for it. I should have been there. I should have been able to save her. But no… I had to let a girl three years younger than me kill herself. 

  And what about all the other seishi? Nuriko, Chiriko, Hotohori & Mitsukake… If only we hadn't let Nuriko go off by himself… we should have known that it was suicide. I should have known that it would have been suicide. But I didn't think. And Nuriko died.

  Maybe I lost more than the others, I have no idea. All I knew was that it was repeating again. ReiRei and the tessen. Nuriko and the shinzaho. Do we really need to sacrifice lives for these objects, no matter how valuable they are? 

  I don't think so.

  Chiriko… I can still remember how he pleaded with me to kill him. Suzaku, how could I have done it? One after another, the people I was closest to were starting to die. And when he was trembling with pain and the closeness of death, he still kept on plunging the stupid prayer stick through his chest. He died for us. He would rather die, than kill us. A true Suzaku seishi indeed. He wasn't about to get possessed by Miboshi. But why did Miboshi choose him? The rest of us weren't paying attention as well; he could have easily possessed one of us instead. But no. And another close friend died. 

  I should have stopped Hotohori from making that attempt to kill Nakago. There was no way… except through what we could believe, what we believed we could do. No powers whatsoever, he wounded Nakago, but while Nakago lived to fight another day… Hotohori did not. I was fighting, sure, but at least… I knew Mitsukake died, through that special bond that all of us have. He died to save those he wanted to, voluntarily, unselfishly… and in the end, only Tamahome, Chichiri and I were left. 

  Nakago was defeated. 

  Tamahome went away with Miaka.

  Chichiri has gone wandering again.

  And I am left. Partying with Kouji was fun. For a while. It's hard to forget when people have died for me. Paid the ultimate price. 

  What have I done to deserve that? Nothing. I'm living on time given to me by my friends. I feel so guilty, so painful within… 

  What's this? Tears…

  There's a hand on my shoulder, and I turn around. It's Kouji. He's figured out what's wrong, I guess.

  'Genrou… these people, they all died… for you. Don't throw what they gave you down the drain. It would be stupid. Okay?'

  And then he turns and leaves. But I suppose he makes good sense. And I wipe my eyes on my sleeve, and go to ReiRei's grave. 

  ReiRei, Nuriko, Chiriko, Hotohori, and Mitsukake… you died… for me, and for others. What can I say? I will treasure this life. Thank you. For the smiles, the laughter, and the tears. No matter where I might go, what happens, I don't want to forget you. 

  I won't forget.  

~~~~~~~~~~

A/n: Possibly the most OOC attempt at an angst fic. (Shakes head in disgust) Well, review and tell me what you think of it. I may have to rewrite it, you tell me what I should do. (Sigh) Perhaps I don't know Tasuki that well… and he is very sappy… and he can't swear when he's sad…. Urgh…


End file.
